Okay, so we have to talk about this Flat Earth thing. I mean, really? We're still doin’ this in 2025? This isn’t the 1400s when people were scared to sail too far 'cause they thought they’d fall off the side of the planet like it was some cosmic diving board. We’ve had satellites, astronauts, globe emojis… what the hell else do you need?
You ever hear these people talk? They're so confident too. Like they’re breaking news:
“Dude, the Earth is flat, bro. NASA’s lying. It’s all a hoax.”
Ohhh okay, Dave, the guy who barely passed high school chemistry, cracked the code. Meanwhile, the people building rockets and landing rovers on Mars are just sitting there like, “Aw damn, Dave figured it out. Shut it all down.”
And the arguments—they're INSANE.
“Water doesn’t curve.”
Yeah, no joke it doesn’t curve in your kiddie pool, Todd. We're talking about a planet, not your above-ground inflatable tub you got on clearance at Walmart. You ever seen a boat sail off into the distance? It disappears bottom first, genius. That’s the curve. It's not a magic trick. It's called geometry, which, if we're being honest, is probably the class you skipped to vape behind the gym.
And these people LOVE to talk about how it’s all a conspiracy.
“NASA’s hiding the truth.”
Yeah, because nothing says “world domination” like pretending the Earth is round. You think there’s a bunch of guys in a room just making up gravity? For what? Frequent flyer miles? Like there’s some evil dude with a monocle and a globe goin’, “They must never know it’s actually a pancake!”
Here’s my favorite—“I did my own research.”
Ah yes, the great university of YouTube. You watched three videos with pixelated graphics, made by a guy whose username is “WokeWizard420,” and now you’re a scientist? Come on, man. That’s not research. That’s called falling down a rabbit hole while your critical thinking skills were on a coffee break.
Meanwhile, we’ve literally seen the Earth from space. From space!
You know, that place where people go when they strap themselves to a missile, shoot up at 17,000 miles per hour, and take selfies while floating in zero gravity? You think those are CGI? Please. Hollywood can’t even make a good sequel anymore, but you think they’re faking orbit?
Look—I get it. Life’s confusing. Bills, Taxes, Catholics... sometimes it’s easier to believe the world’s flat than face the fact you might just not understand how tides work. But at some point, you have to stop blaming NASA and start blaming your 7th grade science teacher for not smacking your head with a globe.
So yeah, the Earth’s round. Always has been. Always will be.
And if that bothers you? Maybe take a walk. In a circle.
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