Being the President of the United States isn't all fancy dinners and cool plane rides. Sometimes, it's more like being the main attraction at a very high-stakes shooting gallery. Let's take a stroll down this bullet-riddled memory lane, shall we?
It all kicked off with Abe Lincoln in 1865. One minute he's enjoying a play, the next he's making theater history in the worst way possible. John Wilkes Booth really took the phrase "break a leg" way too literally.
Fast forward to 1881, and James Garfield is thinking, "Hey, being president isn't so bad!" Then Charles Guiteau shows up and says, "Hold my beer." Two bullets later, and Garfield's summer plans are permanently canceled.
William McKinley probably thought he was safe at the 1901 Pan-American Exposition. Spoiler alert: he wasn't. Leon Czolgosz proved that sometimes, a handshake can be deadlier than you'd think.
JFK's fateful motorcade ride in 1963 turned Dallas into a real-life game of "Clue." Was it Lee Harvey Oswald in the book depository with the rifle? Or was it Colonel Mustard on the grassy knoll with the candlestick? We may never know for sure.
But wait, there's more! Former President Donald Trump isn't the first close call we've had. Gerald Ford must have had a horseshoe hidden somewhere because he dodged not one, but two assassination attempts in 1975. Lynette "Squeaky" Fromme and Sara Jane Moore both tried their luck, but Ford was apparently sporting some president-proof armor that year.
Ronald Reagan joined the "I Survived an Assassination Attempt" club in 1981 when John Hinckley Jr. decided to impress Jodie Foster in the absolute worst way possible. Reagan, being the showman he was, even managed to crack a joke to his doctors: "I hope you're all Republicans!"
And let's not forget the near-misses. Andrew Jackson's would-be assassin in 1835 had two pistols... both of which misfired. Jackson then proceeded to beat the guy with his cane, because apparently, that's how presidents rolled back then.
Theodore Roosevelt got shot in 1912 while campaigning for a third term. His response? He finished his 90-minute speech before seeking medical attention.
So there you have it. Being president: where "term limits" sometimes take on a whole new meaning. Remember: disagreeing with politicians is fine, but maybe stick to strongly worded letters instead of firing off shots, FFS.
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